GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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