Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
