I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
