is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
