wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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