I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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