I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
