I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
