nut hugger
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
