K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
