There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
