I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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