He asked me if I "almost moaned"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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