his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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