I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize