Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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