btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
