ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
