Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
