My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
