we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
