I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
