i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
