she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
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Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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