he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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