Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
