I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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