who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
