Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
