I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
