You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he was CRYING into my vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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