i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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