Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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