She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
