just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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