BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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