I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Randomize
