Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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