last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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