your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's always time for handjobs
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
