not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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