Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
