I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
