so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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