The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
