yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
