i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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