Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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