I am in a vortex of obligation.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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