i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
