he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
