his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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