...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's Friday. Sex?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
