I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
