i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
