By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
