He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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