I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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