I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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