I wish I could teleport
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
