They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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