I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
