She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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