Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
