I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
