I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
