And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
3pm strippers are depressing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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