Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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