there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
