Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
operation have a gay friend backfired
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
